Warning: A touch depressing

Saturday will be 4 years since dad has died. I am pretty sure that this has been the toughest "anniversary yet". Pregnancy and hormones probably have a lot to do with it. I have just gotten off the phone with the phone nurse describing to her my "panic attack" symptoms. You have heard people say that they find it "hard to breathe", well I can relate. I have felt this way many times before. I found it hard to breathe the day he died. I sometimes find it hard to breathe when missing him overwhelms me and I am finding it hard to breathe tonight. It is in these times that I am humbled and have to say to God, you are going to have to breathe for me, I just can't do it right now..................and he does. It is wierd, it is like all of the emotions build up and take over your body. I have rationed all week that he would not want to come back to this life....that no matter how much I wish he were here to see my children, he sees them and the joy that he is experiencing being with Jesus is greater than even grandchildren can provide. I also know that he will see them one day. I am however in a selfish mood and want him here tonight. I want to hold his soft hand, I want to lay beside him in the crack between the regular bed and his hospital bed the way I used to, I want to hear him tell me that I am probably gaining too much weight, I want him to wake me up 10 times during the night to ask me to change the channel, I want to tell him that I love him, I want to see him in full camoflauge attire because the weather has a little coolness in it, I want to hear him sing, I want to hear him laugh, I want to be embarrassed at how loud he yells at football games, I want to dance with him, I want to ask him how he suffered a terrible illness and never complained, I want to tell him that I miss him.........oh how I miss him..................I realize that this is a terribly depressing post but.................................I can breath now.

This is a picture of K (in the white shirt) tackling and I do mean tackling, a group of 8 and 9 year old boys. These boys were playing football behind the bleachers at a local high school football game and K decided that he wanted the ball. The boys were piled up so he decided that he needed to be a part. This little act made his daddy (who took the picture) swell with pride. He then proceeded to get under the bleachers. I heard a young girl (around 11 or 12) say to her friend, "That little boy just grabbed my butt". Again, daddy swelled with pride. I love that K is 100% boy. I love that he is rough, and tough. What are we going to do with a little girl?

K turned the big 2 last week and has been having what I like to call some "Terrific Two" moments. Zig Ziglar says not to call them terrible. The other day he was just ill. He had been tossed around all day from place to place with short, scattered naps. This tiredness led to many a dramatic fit. He could not be satisfied. He threw several fits on the floor, in the bathtub, and even a fit involving a poopy diaper. Poop was everywhere! I finally wrestled him to the rocking chair, with shampoo still in his hair, and he gave up the fight. He went from a two year old monster to a precious little angel in a matter of minutes. I sat there rocking and thinking how much I loved him even though he had momentarily lost his mind.

I then began thinking how God was using this very moment to give me a picture of myself and him. How many times I have done the wrong thing, been rebellious, and acted just plain terrible. During these times I have felt him wrestle with me, discipline me, and most of all.....love me. I can picture him looking down at me when I am asleep (with my mouth wide open) and thinking "Isn't she the sweetest thing you have ever seen, I love her so much." I love it when God shows me through my child how he loves me as his child.

Cardboard Testimonies

I actually saw the video below on another blog...........It was worth copying!

Click on Link to watch video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ

I would like to hang out with this lady! I think that she may be a lot of fun!!!!!

We Love the Lake!!!!

We invaded my sister-in-laws family vacation at the lake this past weekend! We love going to the lake. K was a fish in the water and did not want to get out! He enjoyed playing with his cousins and also enjoyed some watermelon. I am not too sure how sanitary the watermelon was mixed with the lake water. I like to think that these types of things give him the immune system of a horse. It makes me feel better about my parenting skills atleast. I guess it is better than the time that we found Addie eating watermelon at the lake and later realized that no one with us had watermelon. Yep, I think that she found it floating.............this same day we were throwing bread to the ducks in the water and she was swimming out, getting the bread, and feeding herself with it. Good Times!

Beach Fun!

We had a great weekend at the beach this past weekend! This is my mother having fun in the Sun with K and A. She is not a fan of sand, sun, or salt water! It is amazing what the joy of Grandchildren will do for you!!!! She is still recovering, a chiropractor has even been visited!